Lost

Happy New year everyone! Do you know I actually forgot my blog ID? lol!

Anyhow, I have no new year resolution! Okay, okay....I did! But it didnt last 2 days!Going to the gym religiously is too much energy and commitment and work is just too hectic these days so I couldnt cut it! Infact, my life is too hectic! Work work work. I work like a maniac! My new job is like a yoruba man - just too demanding! but I aint complaining cos it pay the bills and leaves some extra for shoes & bags!

Oh! I had another new year resolution. Celibacy! ha! I did better with that one though.....I kept it for 10 long days! Then, I couldnt take it anymore. A sister just had to get laid! hehehee! So I called my 'smally' (I shall tell y'all about him in another post) and he was at mine like a bullet....but I had to do the usual posing first. Dunno who I was trying to fool cos he knows just as well as I do that I only call him I want some! It was only after doing it, I remembered why I made the resolution initially.....I NO LONGER ENJOY SEX! Its become too mechanical for me. Totally devoid of feelings of anykind; even pleasure. Like a handshake.

Yes! Sex to me is like a handshake! I've had too much of it with people who didnt really care about me. So in the past 2 years, I learnt to f**k without emotions/getting attached. I learnt to f**k without kissing, without foreplay, without post-sex cuddling. Just straight up gangsta loving! I cant even remember when last I kissed. Probably about 8 months ago BUT I have had sex many times after that (with the same 2 ppl that I've been sleeping with for 3/4 years)!

I really think I have a problem. I want sex to mean something to me again. I want to feel love when I have sex. I want to kiss passionately when I have sex. I want to enjoy sex. I miss the spiritual feeling you get when you have mind-blowing sex with someone you love. I miss cuddling after sex. I feel like I will never be able to enjoy these things again.

I feel lost....